they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
