textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
