So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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