so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
