I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
