using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
