I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize