i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
