so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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