Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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