Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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