Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize