Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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