she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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