i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
