Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
