I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
