I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
