I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
