My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
