Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
