I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
