I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
