P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
