At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
