We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
