the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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