i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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