well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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