Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
