You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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