Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
