So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
