Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
