you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
