i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
