yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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