Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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