You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
