ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Let's get the cat blown out
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
