THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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