low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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