I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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