yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
