just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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