You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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