You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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