Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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