i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
