but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
