I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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