I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
