Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
