Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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