4 words: hood of his car
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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