the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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