I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
