so that wasnt chicken after all
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
