Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
