C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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