Sry I called you an 8
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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