I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
