Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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