Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
