if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
