Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize