okay pat passed out under dana's car
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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