her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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