My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
