just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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