flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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