In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
